Game: Portalizer
Developer: Heaval
Cost: Free!
Platform: PC
But What If I Want To Spend Money?: Well, the creator’s link died, but if you like Portalizer, maybe play the games that inspired it?
This is a very interesting concept for a game, and it feels oh, so right. The short version, it’s a 15 level Unity based Portal clone.
The long version? This is the best Portal fanfiction I have ever experienced. You’re in a Soviet testing facility, trying their version of the Aperture Science Hand-held Portal Device and some sort of time dilation device. Your portals are red and green, the Portalizer feels like a shoddy, Soviet surplus made Portal gun, and there aren’t any turrets or voice over. It’s cold, emotionless, and the music makes you feel this surreal sense of despair. You don’t have an enemy, like you do with GLaDOS – you just have a sad reality of testing ahead of you. There is no cake. There is no promise. There is no hatred. There just is. And it feels so… fitting that this is the case. Aperture had this feeling of crazed ingenuity and slipping sanity, that GLaDOS and Cave were just such a proper part of – meanwhile, the testing grounds in Portalizer are dark, forboding, and distant. There isn’t a testing associate watching you, there is no Wheatley, Rick, recordings, anything. There is just the knowledge you’re alone. Just you, a rip-off Portal Gun, and the Comrade Cube.
Honestly, if you have a few hours to burn? Play this. You won’t be disappointed.
But I wonder what Cave Johnson would think about the Soviets stealing his portal gun designs…
“Cave Johnson here! So the word on the grapevine is the Soviets have taken our designs. Well we assure you that nothing will contend with the Aperture Science Hand-Held Portal device. First off, they don’t even use live ammo on their testing grounds, like the cowardly Ruskies they are. And they don’t have the best testers money can buy, being Commies and all. On a related note, if the vagrant who messed the chairs on the waiting room is still alive in his testing facility, we are taking the cost of a new chair out of your fifty dollars. Unless you’re dead, in which you aren’t getting it anyway.”
Ultimately, if you can’t get enough Portal, play Portalizer. You won’t be disappointed.
Until next time, this is Alchemyprime.
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